I'm broken in more ways than one.
I just want life and all that it entails.
I have a tendency to grasp at straws,
When I want the whole fucking cake.
Meat and potatoes and gravy.
Fancy free.
The sadder but wiser girl- A Meredith WIlson fantasy.
In a world of buttered popcorn.
I don't feel like a kernel at all.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I'm getting better at living moment to moment and enjoying myself.
I'm also doing what I love.
I love working at the playhouse, I love being in Cabaret, I'm taking classes this summer, so I feel like I'm going in the right direction.
I do like what I'm doing, activity wise.
I do not, however, like what I'm doing with/towards certain people.
I'm entangling too much into one thing. And I know its not healthy and that in the end I'm just going to regret it, and wish that I was a stronger person. But I'm not.
At least I'm realizing it now though. And I"m going to Disney for 6 months. So that will alleviate some tension.
But then, what happens?
I have two "problems."
Is the best way to solve them just to ignore them?
It seems like thats the way to go...
But I feel as long as I have these two people in my life, I'll never be able to move on.
Hopefully that'll be proven wrong, ASAP.
We'll see...
I'm also doing what I love.
I love working at the playhouse, I love being in Cabaret, I'm taking classes this summer, so I feel like I'm going in the right direction.
I do like what I'm doing, activity wise.
I do not, however, like what I'm doing with/towards certain people.
I'm entangling too much into one thing. And I know its not healthy and that in the end I'm just going to regret it, and wish that I was a stronger person. But I'm not.
At least I'm realizing it now though. And I"m going to Disney for 6 months. So that will alleviate some tension.
But then, what happens?
I have two "problems."
Is the best way to solve them just to ignore them?
It seems like thats the way to go...
But I feel as long as I have these two people in my life, I'll never be able to move on.
Hopefully that'll be proven wrong, ASAP.
We'll see...
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
A Perfunctory Week.
and by perfunctory, i mean boring.
nothing is usual anymore.
nothing is exciting either.
I guess I just need a routine.
Its like half summer half spring. And I'm not diggin' it.
but what I am diggin'
snowglobes.
They are the perfect gift. Granted they're just a useless thing that will eventually be put away or worse thrown away, but something about snowglobes is so whimsical and fun. They're carefree, and yet incredibly intimate and personal because in a way, snowglobes can represent dreams and goals.
At least for me.
So anyway imaginary readers. If you buy me a snowglobe, I will cry and love you forever.
In other words...
I think I'm gonna start writing poetry along with plays.
I like don't believe in writing poetry, but it might like help me clear my mind. I always got good marks on my poems in school. Even from the ominous Dr. Bonin. So maybe, I'm not a BAD writer.
I don't know. I need to find root in something.
Theatre and music isn't doing that for me any more, bc I'm too analytical about it all.
Which is good.
I want to be an actress and singer. So I need to be objective about my craft.
However, by being so critical, I can no longer "release" myself into. Atleast, not where I personally am in my journey.
DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love what I'm doing. I would not change it for the world. Theatre is my love. It still brings me infinite amounts of joy, I just can't get up and do a monolog for fun anymore. its about getting better. Which is what I want.
Writing can be my new hobby. Where I don't have to constantly put myself out there. It can be an intimate, intrinsic part of me.
ANYWAY--- next blog. I want to write about why I love Art History and Short Stories and Literature. And how that relates to my love for theatre and music. Observation.
nothing is usual anymore.
nothing is exciting either.
I guess I just need a routine.
Its like half summer half spring. And I'm not diggin' it.
but what I am diggin'
snowglobes.
They are the perfect gift. Granted they're just a useless thing that will eventually be put away or worse thrown away, but something about snowglobes is so whimsical and fun. They're carefree, and yet incredibly intimate and personal because in a way, snowglobes can represent dreams and goals.
At least for me.
So anyway imaginary readers. If you buy me a snowglobe, I will cry and love you forever.
In other words...
I think I'm gonna start writing poetry along with plays.
I like don't believe in writing poetry, but it might like help me clear my mind. I always got good marks on my poems in school. Even from the ominous Dr. Bonin. So maybe, I'm not a BAD writer.
I don't know. I need to find root in something.
Theatre and music isn't doing that for me any more, bc I'm too analytical about it all.
Which is good.
I want to be an actress and singer. So I need to be objective about my craft.
However, by being so critical, I can no longer "release" myself into. Atleast, not where I personally am in my journey.
DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love what I'm doing. I would not change it for the world. Theatre is my love. It still brings me infinite amounts of joy, I just can't get up and do a monolog for fun anymore. its about getting better. Which is what I want.
Writing can be my new hobby. Where I don't have to constantly put myself out there. It can be an intimate, intrinsic part of me.
ANYWAY--- next blog. I want to write about why I love Art History and Short Stories and Literature. And how that relates to my love for theatre and music. Observation.
Friday, May 23, 2008
I took a plane, I took a train. AH who cares. You always end up in the city.
some days, i really don't understand why i think the way that i think.
Like really?
I hype myself into things. I guess I AM a little high stung.
(high-strung (hstrng)
adj.
Tending to be very nervous and easily excited.)
Yup. That would be me! But not so much nervous as anxious.
Anyway. I have realized so much about myself in the last 24 hours than I have in the last 24 weeks.
Ok, well maybe 24 days. But my head feels so clear. And I feel so detached and yet part at the same time.
It's so weird. But I think this is going to be a very good summer. I just have to let all of my expectations go.
Things I've been obsessed with for the last 4 hours: The New Kids on the Block- Summertime. Its amazing. I like just want to hop in the car and like jam out to that song in my bathing suit coming home from the beach.
The New Pornographers. They're like all I've been listening to for the last 32 hours.
New Porn, New Kids, What goes better than that?
Like really?
I hype myself into things. I guess I AM a little high stung.
(high-strung (hstrng)
adj.
Tending to be very nervous and easily excited.)
Yup. That would be me! But not so much nervous as anxious.
Anyway. I have realized so much about myself in the last 24 hours than I have in the last 24 weeks.
Ok, well maybe 24 days. But my head feels so clear. And I feel so detached and yet part at the same time.
It's so weird. But I think this is going to be a very good summer. I just have to let all of my expectations go.
Things I've been obsessed with for the last 4 hours: The New Kids on the Block- Summertime. Its amazing. I like just want to hop in the car and like jam out to that song in my bathing suit coming home from the beach.
The New Pornographers. They're like all I've been listening to for the last 32 hours.
New Porn, New Kids, What goes better than that?
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